The Existence of Goals

So many times in my life I have felt like the woman in this picture.  Almost out of reach and at times, just not enough.  I know that the true meaning of this artwork isn't what I express.  But when I look at this picture I see a woman like unto myself that is constantly reaching, but more often than not, never obtaining.

There are many goals since child-age that have come and gone.  And many times I've told myself, stupid silly goal, not realistic, not practical, not reachable, not affordable, etc.  And only one time did I truly go for it and in consequence, only one time did I obtained it.

I have found myself many times getting so close to a goal and quitting right before I can touch it.  It's right there in front of me.  I can see it, I can almost taste it, but I quit.  Why?  What am I afraid of?  I think along with being afraid to fail, I'm also worried I might not be good enough in the end.  Maybe my expectations are too high.  Because I often feel that in order for me to be good at something, it means that I need to be perfect at it or it doesn't count.  That I need to give it more than what I've got or it's not enough.  This is what I struggle with.

Things happen in my life to make me question who I am.  Even if they are things that I haven't done but feel eyes watching me, it makes me question my integrity.  That in turn, blocks my path toward any goals I have.  Something this has trained me to do is put all goals aside and just...live.  Live to take care of my husband and kids.  Live to make sure I'm following what Christ would have me do.  One thing I don't know how to do is balance what I want out of life with what I have to do in life to make it by.

I want to be that person who is smiling all the time.  The person who can always find the positive out of any negative situation.  The person who makes a goal and attains it even through stumbles and obstacles along the way.  I want to be at a point where I feel like I can keep my goals unhidden and actually strive to fulfill them.

It was mentioned in class at church yesterday that this earth life is like kindergarten.  We are in an aggressive learning process that can sometimes feel overwhelming.  Maybe that's what I need to take with me.  Because even though kindergarten is where we learn all of our fundamentals, they also have plenty of play time too.  I just have to find it in myself to be okay with that aspect.  And that's where my personal goals will come in.

But one thing I do look forward to, the one goal that I actually don't have shoved in a drawer or swept under the rug is a moment like this:

 This is one precious goal that I will not let anyone tear me from.  A goal that I want my children to have.